23 Dec 2011
On this the fourth day of our counter-Christian celebration of the oldest of “holidays”, a multi-national protest of the religious hijacking of said holiday, we find ourselves in a dilemma.
We had planned to roast a pig for the festivities, but some idiot oiled the beast BEFORE catching the damn thing and after some exciting interludes, the porker was last seen heading west at a high rate of speed.
So, we got some bacon from Safeway.
Then we planned to resurrect the Elder Gods with a ceremony found in a crypt buried beneath a temple in the Ancient North.
Turns out the Ancient North is Del Paso Heights.. We resurrected three Cranksters and a dwarf who doesn’t even speak English. But then, neither do the cranksters. We dropped them off at Loaves and Fishes where they met friends.
So, we put up a picture of Elvis Costello, who, it turns out, isn’t even dead yet.
This just doesn’t seem to be working out the way we planned.
Then we started the Holy Dancing… , couldn’t find enough drums, Coffee cans aren’t the same. And the dog wouldn’t hold still.
Put on a video of the Blue Man Group. Close, no cigar.
Tried a May Pole. Couldn’t climb the pole. It’s December too. No young maidens to dance in circles, either. No maidens of any kind.
Next was a sacrifice of entrails….
So, basically what it comes down to is, that since the original celebration went so far wrong, we will now just thumb our noses at Christian churches and fire logic bombs at demagogues and evangelists whenever we get the chance.
Happy Whatever Season you adhere to.. May your year be as pleasant as you deserve.Christian Holiday